We argue about explaining things

We went out to Sea Life Park last Sunday. For the birthday of a friend of Maia's, also adopted. The two girls rode back together in the friend's mother's car, which left Kristina and me alone.



"She wasn't impressed," Kristina said. The event at Sea Life Park had been called, Dolphin Encounter. Maia's expectation had been that she would swim with the dolphins.



"She said, 'Nobody was free.'" They had lined up the people to touch and kiss the dolphins. It was all recorded in still photos and on videotape for later sale.



You can really feel her thinking, sometimes. I'm glad we've always talked to her about being adopted.



For some reason, the thought occurred to me that she was going to be pushing ahead with the questioning soon.



"I wonder when she's going to start asking why."



"About being adopted? Well," Kristina said, "the other night, when we were on her bed, she said, 'And I was in somebody else's stomach? And then there where did I go?'"



Before Kristina could answer, she had said, "You came and got me?"



"We got you when you were two," Kristina had said. The conversation hadn't gone any further. She hadn't asked about the gap.



"What would you tell her? If she asked why?"



"You mean, why they put her in the orphanage? That we don't know why."



"You wouldn't say that they couldn't take care of you?"



"Well, we don't know that. She had two brothers."



"But the fact is that they didn't."



"But that doesn't necessary mean that they couldn't."



"But we don't want to push our values on her. We don't want her to hate them."



"No, we don't want that. But aren't we pushing our values on her if we tell her that they couldn't take care of her?"



Kristina demurred. "We don't want her to feel bad."

I let it go.

John, Thursday, May 8, 2008