Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Maia, growing up



Maia has been through such changes. And she's taken us with her. She's changed so much that we have had to change, too. We can't be with her the way she was when she was 2 or 3--the time even since the beginning of this year when she was 3 1/2 seems like a quantum level of development behind where she is now.

Today, we stopped to get noodles after a short trip to the park. Seattle is having a record-breaking rainy season, and it was just too soggy and wet to stay.



She and I were sitting opposite each other, and she began to mimic me, mirroring everything that I did, and finding this a great source of amusement.



The mischievous that showed in her smile and laughter has always been there. It was one of the things that pulled so strongly at us from the very beginning, the other being her vulnerability. I remember the look on her face when they brought her into the Director's office to meet us. She was so apprehensive and fearful. When they left us alone with her, she promptly fell asleep in my arms. When they took her back, she cried and reached out to me. Even though I recognized that it was just a reflex, I knew then that something would die in me if we left her behind.

That's still there, too--the vulnerability, the tentativeness we see with her sometimes.

But everything is so much deeper now--the play with mimicking me. She'll tease me, too, with pretending to cry or be angry, and then laugh when I puncture the act. The other day, when I praised her for stopping whining and carrying on about something she wanted, she said, "I was faking it."



This is earlier in the day--we were out shopping, and she made a great show while crossing the street with Kristina and her Auntie Linda of being tossed about by the wind...



and then playing with Auntie Linda...



and Kristina inside the store.

I remember feeling so proud of myself in school for having thought to pose the question, "Well, then, why birth control?", to Plato's thesis that sex is about seeking immortality.

All of that intellectualizing things seems so irrelevant.

At the end of the day, yesterday, Maia sat in my lap and we looked at photos from her first summer with us. She smiled and laughed at some of them. She knows herself, in some way that doesn't change.









John, Wednesday, November 22, 2006.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Mother talks about biscuits and a man who lost his head



“And 1 ½ to 1 ¾ cups of heavy whipping cream.”

“How do you know whether it’s 1½ or 1¾?”

“Well, if you put too much in it you can’t roll it out.”



She was showing Kristina how to make biscuits the easy way. Kristina had combined 2 cups of self-rising flour and a tablespoon of sugar and was now adding in the cream.

“Does it matter how much I stir it?” Kristina was asking.

“There’s no harm in stirring it,” Mother said.



“Now you’re going to knead it,” she said. “You don’t want to do it too many times. About seven times.”



Maia counted out to seven.



“Now you’re going to roll it out. Roll it out to about a half inch thick.”

“That’s good,” she said, as Kristina finished.



“Now we’re gonna get a biscuit cutter and when you cut cut straight down don’t go like that,” Mother said, making a twisting motion with her hand.



“Don’t pat ’em down,” she said. “Just put ’em all together.”



“Did you eat like this when you were growing up?” Kristina asked.



“Yes, that’s what mother did every morning. Built a fire every morning and baked biscuits. It wasn’t easy. Until we got an electric stove. I was about 10 or 11. That was a big thrill to mother.”

Mother was frying bacon and sausage for the gravy.



She put a little bacon fat on the tops of the biscuits.

"This will give them some taste," Mother said.



“Where were you living?” I asked.

“When we got the stove? We were living in Welch. The big city,” she said, smiling. Welch was actually a small town, even then, but it seemed big to a family moving from Newhall and War.



“What did you burn, Mother?”

“Wood. And coal. But electric stoves were just coming out,” she said, still thinking about her mother and the electric stove. “Not everybody had one.”

“Where did you get the stuff to burn, Mother?” I asked.

“Well, we lived out in the country. Bernard would go out and chop wood. And we’d use coal, too.”

“Where did you get the coal?” I asked.

“We bought it. And they delivered it, too. When we moved to Welch, we had a long coal chute that came down the hill alongside the steps. They went from one street to another up the side of that hill.”

She thought a little.

“That’s where that guy fell down those long steps and into our coal bin. Remember where I showed you that?” she asked. We had gone back to the street in Welch where her family had moved when they had left War. The houses were still there, though some of them were abandoned and had begun to fall apart. The houses were duplexes, tiny little things.

She was smiling now, thinking about it.

“He was coming down those steps and I was outside watching him. It was suspenseful. Mother always, ‘He’s gonna kill himself one day going down those steps as drunk as he is,’ and I was watching to see if he would do it. Anyhow, he was coming down the steps, and he was holding his groceries. And then he fell down the steps, and rolled into the coal chute and fell all the way down the hill into our coal bin. And then this round thing came rolling to the end of the chute where I was. And it was red and white and all bloody, so I ran inside and said, “Momma, momma, he fell down the steps, and it tore his head off.” And Momma ran outside and looked, and laughed because it was his pork roast. He was still in the coal bin. Knocked himself silly. Drunk as a skunk.”

She laughed. We all did.



“Okay, now put ’em in at 500 for about 10 minutes. This is about the only time you bake at 500.”

“You don’t have to wait for it to rise?” Kristina wanted to know.

“You don’t have to. There’s no yeast in it. The baking powder makes it rise.”



Kristina put the biscuits in the oven.

“Whatever happened to that guy?” I asked.

“The one who fell down the steps? Well, I don’t know. Inevitably, we moved, to Maple Terrace up there on that hill. It had all those steps,” she said, indicating the flights. “It seemed to us that Daddy just looked for steps for us to climb because we carried everything.”



“Isn’t this fattening?” Kristina asked.

“Well, if you didn’t have the cream you’d have to cut in some kind of shortening—butter or lard. This is the easy way. If you’d made ’em the other way, the only difference is that you’d have to cut in the butter or the shortening. These are called cream biscuits cause you make them with cream. Sweet cream. They aren’t sweet, but they aren’t salty.”



“How did you not gain weight before?”

“Well, life was a lot harder.”

Mother thought some.

“We used lard all the time when I was growing up. Everybody used lard. Lard makes better cake. Everything tastes beter with lard. But it’s fattening.”



“Lard is pork?”

“Unhuh. We used lard all the time. And streaked bacon.” Mother said it, “strea-ked,” with two syllables and the accent on the second one.

“When mother sent me to get streaked bacon, she always told be to get the bacon that had the biggest streaks in it. Mother cooked beans with it and collard greens, anything that needed fat in it. And I would go and ask for streaked bacon. They still have it but now they call it salt pork. That’s what I put in that soup.”

She had made some soup for us a few days ago. Very hearty and rich.

“So I would get a big block of streaked bacon and mother would slice it. As thin as she could, but she couldn’t get it really thin. About like that,” she said, showing a quarter inch of finger.

“She would roll it in flour and put salt and pepper on it and fry it. And it was really good. And we had that instead of having bacon like this.”

“Did she make gravy, too?”

“Oh, yes,” she said—“gravy and biscuits and eggs. We had good food.”



"Look at that," she said. "Kristina's first biscuits. They're beautiful."

The telephone rang. My brother was coming over along with my sister-in-law, who was going to take us out shopping. He had heard that Mother was going to make biscuits and gravy.





These images are all from this morning.

John, Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Sunday, November 19, 2006

My Mother talks about her Father



"I used to like helping Daddy in the fields," she said. We were raking leaves in her backyard. We are visiting to spend Thansgiving with her and my stepfather. Thanksgiving has always been an important holiday to my mother.

"What did you do," I asked her.

"Oh, shuck corn. Pull weeds. Whatever he told me to do. I just liked being with him."



She told me a story, once, about planting beans with him--how they had had to do this at night and been careful about how they put the beans in the ground.



"Was he funny like you?" I asked her.

"Yes, he had a sense of humor. He liked to tell stories. But I don't know how funny I am."

"You're funny, Mom."



"Used to be, maybe," she said. "Before I got sick. That changes you."

She was talking about health problems she's had since she retired, the most serious of them having been the brain tumor 15 years ago. But she's indomitable. Never let it get her down. For long anyhow.



"You're still funny, Mom."

These photos were all from working in the backyard on Saturday.

John, Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sunday, November 12, 2006

We talk about love and death


"Some birds can break and die," she said.

We were driving down the hill to the park, and there had been a bird standing on the pavement on our side of the road. We hadn't hit it, but I guess it had made her think.


"Yes, birds die," I said. "All animals die," I said, a little uncertainly, not sure about opening up this topic.

"Even some trees," Maia said. "They will die."

"Yes, trees, too. All plants will die, Maia," I said.

"Even some flowers," she said.

"Yes, sweetie. All animals, all plants, all living things will die," I said.

She thought about this. "Even grass," she said.

"Yes. Even grass."

I tried to get philosophical. "It's a cycle," I said. "It's a not a bad thing. Things die so other things can live. When we die, we become part of the earth, and air, and water, all over again."

I was being less than persuasive.


"That's why it's important to have fun while we're alive," I said. "And do good things. And fill your life with love. That's we should love Mommy, and you and Mommy should love Daddy, and Popo, and Grandma and Grandpa..."

She said something then, but I couldn't make it out.



"What?"

"Even Harley," she repeated.


Harley is a dog my folks got recently. He's not a very friendly dog--growls and even nips--and our theory is that he was mistreated.

"Yes, even Harley," I said.

These pictures are from when we got to the park. She climbed lots of things, including a pole and one of the legs of the swings--she's really very good at it. I was especially impressed that she climbed this narrow pole to a climbing structure. She must have gone up a good 8 feet.

She also played with a little boy she met at the park. He was about 3, maybe younger. She was very sweet with him.

Don't know what to make of her comment about Harley. Sometimes, she puts things together in ways that take you by surprise.
John, Sunday, November 12, 2006

Friday, November 10, 2006

My first telephone call, completely with Maia



"Hello," she said.

I had expected Kristina on the other end.

"Well, hello, Miss Maia Bobaia."

"Hello, Daddy," she said.

"Daddy," she said. And then her voice racheted down to a whisper, "Daddy, Daddy..." (sometimes it takes her a while to figure out where she's going)"Daddy...after dinner, I want popsicle."



I laughed. It had been a difficult day. This bit of conspiracy coming at the end of it was very sweet.

"Okay, sweetness, you can have a popsicle."

"The brown one," she said. She likes Fudgsicles. "You can have one, too."



"Well, thank you, sweetie. Where's Mommy?"

"She's in the kitchen," she said. "She's cooking dinner."



"Okay. You tell her I'm coming home, soon, okay?"



"Okay, Daddy," she said. And she did tell her, as I found out when I got home, by way of Foodland, where I got some more Fudgsicles. We were out.



That was her victory dance, at the top, when I gave her one after dinner.



John, Friday, November 10, 2006